The Zodi-Haq Baba Sept. Horoscopes – Firing Off Early Like Every Desi Man Does

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A man sent from the stars, via the back of a truck from Calais, The Zodi-Haq Baba is seen as the Punjabi Nostradamus by many (well him and Parkash from the Pub) and he takes a journey into the stars to see what Sept has planned for you:

September Wisdom: You can lead a friend to the pub, but that does not mean, he will pay for a round!

Aries: Nah Man Sept is dangerous, be careful, as all the Baba seeโ€™s is Uranus being entered by the dark knight! Stay focused this month on short goals & keep those back doors locked otherwise they may be smashed in.

Taurus: Sept is good for you, but be wary, no Kaler Kanth this month as it will lead to you getting lost in an emotional journey, strictly 90โ€™s Bhangra for you this month

Gemini: Save, get Netflix & stay in, lots of session/night out invites, but it looks like October will see you getting laid off! So save, stay in & watch those box sets.

Cancer: Turn your head, Look left, focus on the left, you fool you canโ€™t see whatโ€™s on your right side, donโ€™t be easily led! Dickhead, Focus Yaar big things coming

Leo:ย Siddi gal month, take no shit! Go to work stinking of loon mirch masala, let them call you out so you can shout them down! You need to show everyone you own Sept. Fcuk it just donโ€™t shower this month either! You are in charge after all

Virgo: Those suspicions about you being cheated on, they are right, soon as the visa is stamped you dumped! See you in October

Libra:ย Look you are about to get caught out by the police for that massive cannabis grow, so think deeply, cut ties with those holding you back & start a fresh

Scorpio: You on fire this month! Sexually & at work, nothing should stand in your way not even a lack of Viagra will stop you marring the pamp this month! Go team horny

Sagittarius: Baba be sensing big things, very big, eat saag every Tuesday & Wednesday this will be the winner, drink milk with the saag & you will be lucky this month

Capricorn: Each Friday in September put on some Mika Singh on around 3pm, you will be fighting by 5pm, this month you are stealing a living.

Aquarius:ย Session Hard this month, the Baba sees Dark days ahead, if you wish to avoid them check your partners social media – pure filth

Pisces: The Baba senses your ring is on fire, let it burn & the black hole will only suck more in! Be brave & stop your black hole being entered, only then will you be able to walk straight & start again this month

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